ZZZZzzzzz.....YES!!!

Unassisted sleep has been mine for the last four nights. Things are finally setting themselves to right in my body. Thank you for praying for me. I feel much better and am getting things in shape around the house again. So far today, I have washed 4 loads of laundry, cooked filling for breakfast tortillas to last the week, have supper in the crockpot, made two bulk desserts to last the week, washed dishes from the cooking, chased two little girls bent on household destruction, played with my new puppy, cleaned house, have lunch in the oven, and am supervising three who are homeschooling on their laptops.

Don't Wait on God to "Show Up"

I strongly dislike the phrase "waiting on God to show up." It's a lie! Don't wait on God to show up; He's already there!! This is the same God who promises to never leave you nor forsake you! What you are really waiting on is for yourself to take notice of and be content with the way He has manifested His presence in your life. You can't wait for God to get somewhere He already is, but you might be called to patiently wait on His answer.

Hebrews 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Finally-SLEEP!

As of the 21, I had only 2 good night's sleep since Jan 1. One of those nights was due to the melatonin which did not work after the first night. After I passed the baby on New Year's Day, my body would not let me rest. It is common after a miscarriage or still birth for a woman to have insomnia due to the "influx of hormones"as the doctor calls it. For some women, it can last up to 12 weeks after a miscarriage. I have had it after previous miscarriages so I wasn't surprised to see it. I was surprised at how stubborn it was.

After I started getting worn down, I tried taking a nap to see if I could sleep then. In two hours, I slept 15 minutes. Talk about frustrating!! At night, I was only getting 2-3 hours rest on a good night. I tried a few nutritional supplements, like calcium. FAIL. Clint gave me a relaxing massage. FAIL. I tried several herbal products. FAIL. I tried OTC sleep aids. FAIL. Aromatherapy was also a FAIL. The prescription medication has too many side effects for me to even consider it. Several people had suggested a shot of whiskey, but I try to avoid alcohol while I am breastfeeding a baby. Hannah is still nursing 2-3 times a day.

I was exhausted, and my work kept falling further and further behind. Because of the sleep deprivation, I wasn't able to think clearly. I was slurring my words or using the wrong words which my family found highly entertaining. :-) I was very achey all over and felt like I was going to come down with a cold. There was no way I could drive anywhere. I could not even think clearly enough to make the weekly grocery list or find the groceries in the store. Life was coming to a standstill because I couldn't function. Finally, on the 21st, I told Clint I was at the end of my rope and would try anything.

Clint went to the ABC store and bought some rum. So, thanks to Captain Morgan + Pepsi, I have had three good night's sleep. While I am still tired, I feel SO much better today. I timed it so Hannah nursed just before I drank it. It was out of my system by time she nursed the next morning.

Tonight, I'll see if I can fall asleep on my own. I am eager to tackle a full schedule and knock out some projects I have planned. I am eager for life to get going again!

"Many things--such as loving, going to sleep, or behaving unaffectedly--are done worst when we try hardest to do them.” C.S. Lewis

A Follow Up From Toys R Us..and a lousy one at that

We received a reply from the racist incident we witnessed at Toys R Us on December 12, 2010. I wrote them December 13, 2010. This is the first time we have heard from them. We are very disappointed.

I have added it to the original post and also here:

UPDATE JANUARY 21, 2011: Today, we received an e-mail from Toys R Us. The incident happened December 12, 2010. It is so far below the mark; it doesn't win any points from me. There isn't a reason given as to why it took them so long to respond to us. Neither the poor customer service of the manager's issues were mentioned in the e-mail. No solutions were given for the manager's racist attitude. It looks like a form letter with our names inserted. We are offended by this weak response and lack of a stand against that kind of behavior by the store:

Response (Christopher S***but) - 01/21/2011 02:03 PM
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Asbell

Thank you for your email regarding your unfortunate experience at our store. We value your opinion and appreciate the time you took out of your busy schedule to let us hear from you. As a company, we work hard to incorporate guest service into all aspects of our business, especially at the store level, and we are disappointed when we learn we have fallen short of our goal.

On behalf of Toys “R” Us, please accept my sincere apologies for the difficulties you encountered. Clearly, the lack of service and general disregard you received by our store staff is unacceptable. Be assured, the “R” Us Family does not condone this behavior and we take these matters seriously. I would like to assure you that your concerns have been forwarded to the appropriate individuals for review. They will deal directly with your local store team to ensure that your concerns are addressed and handled appropriately.

Thank you again, Mr. and Mrs. Asbell, for letting us know of your experience. It is because you have taken the time out of your day that we are able to improve our service at your local store and as an entire organization.

Sincerely,


The "R"Us Team

Thank You Stacie

This angel holding a baby came from our friend Stacie. Stacie wanted me to have a visual reminder of God's promises of Heaven.
When our family looks at this angel, not only are we reminded that our miscarried babies are safely in Heaven where we will see them again, but also of Stacie's friendship and compassion. We are also reminded of the kind of friend we desire to be to others.

Thank you, Stacie, for being the hands and feet of Christ to us.

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Daisies

Daisies are my favorite flower. They are simple, but elegant.
They remind me of long summer days with bright sunshine and the hope I had that one day "He loves me!" would come true.
Thank you to the thoughtful co-workers who sent these to let us know they cared about our loss.

Melatonin Did the Trick

Clint came home with melatonin for me to try last night. It worked! I feel and sound more like myself today!

One note for people interested in taking melatonin to conquer insomnia. I constantly hear from people who say melatonin did not work for them. Keep in mind: Most OTC supplement labels have low dosages. These are called "maintenance" dosages. These differ from "therapeutic" dosages. You need a doctor, or naturopath, or an herbalist to help you decide what the right dosage is for your particular situation.

The recommended amount on the melatonin bottle was 3 300 mcg pills. The recommended amount for insomina in my herbal textbook is 1.5 to 5 mg. I took a little over 2 mg and slept last night. I will take the same amount for the next few nights as I try to get a normal schedule re-established. Please note: I am not a doctor and this is information I am sharing from my personal education and experience.

Contraindications for melatonin that I am aware of right off the top of my head: alcohol. If you combine melatonin and alcohol, you run the risk of having bad dreams. I had a friend do this, and he said he had "extremely bad nightmares." He shuddered when he said it. I checked this out online and found several instances of people having nightmares when combining these two drugs. There may be other contraindications, so do your own research.

Update: Several friends wrote to let me know they or their children use amounts up to 9 mg. I have also read studies where people have used up to 50 mg in extreme cases. Prescription for Nutritional Healing (the #1 herb book I recommend to the average person wanting to learn more about herbal treatments) has this caution: "Do not overuse melatonin. According to some recent reports, more than occasional use of melatonin can permanently stop the body's own production of this vital hormone."

Prescription for Nutritional Healing, Fifth Edition: A Practical A-to-Z Reference to Drug-Free Remedies Using Vitamins, Minerals, Herbs & Food Supplements

Knocked Down but Not Out of the Fight

When a pregnancy stops abruptly due to miscarriage, it can throw the body into a tailspin as it tries to deal with the sudden hormonal changes. For me, it manifests itself in greasy hair, greasy face, pimples, weight gain and INSOMNIA. I've lost track of how many nights it has been since I had good sleep.

There are periods in life that are just tough. We have three choices: let our trial win, curl up in self pity, or fight back. I have too much to be thankful for to let this cause me to give up. I have too much to accomplish to waste time by wallowing in self pity. I am trying to wait this out with what I call "resolved patience." In other words, I have resolved there is nothing I can do about it except be patient. :-) Experience is the best teacher, and I know the insomnia will run its course as my body adjusts.

Life threw me another sucker punch and knocked me down. While my mind is alert and ready to go, my body is screaming for sleep and fights me on doing anything. It is when we get to this place where we are solely relying on God's strength fueled by His promises that He makes those subtle changes in us. When we are made weak, He is making us strong. Even while I am not able to run at full speed, I know His will is being accomplished. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Two days ago, my dog, Luna, went into labor prematurely and lost her puppies. She has this look of confusion, despair and brokenness. Her body is full of milk. She barely moves and has no interest in eating. She needs time to recover while her body corrects its course. Just knowing she has gone through the same thing and needs help, motivates me to do what I can for her. As I try to comfort her with gentle words and affection, I wonder if we share the same look on our faces. I hope not. I hope the determination I feel to not let this hold me back from doing what I am suppose to shows through the tiredness.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

It's Over

It has been a long, hard week with a few scary moments, but it's over. I tend to be very open and practical about natural things, but I know some people are offended easily and that is not my intention here. The children I do have need their mom back to full speed. I need the closure and letting everyone know individually would take days, so I am doing it here, in this way. Forgive me if I offend you.

I wanted the miscarriage to happen naturally because I believe it sends clues to your body that helps with the sudden hormonal shift. I also am not very keen on having strangers around me poking and prodding when I am struggling with feelings.

Last night, I passed the placenta. Clint and I had carefully watched for it, but figured we had missed it. But, I kept having trouble all week. Thankfully, Hannah is still nursing. All of my children have weaned themselves and none have nursed this long. Hannah's nursing longer turned out to be a blessing because it enabled me to reduce the heavy bleeding. I can look back at this week now and understand what has happened. The placenta was very large and if it had come off at one time, I would have been in trouble. God was gracious and it peeled off in stages that controlled the blood loss. Since it has passed, I can tell a big difference.

Because we found out days before Christmas, we named this baby Angel Noel. We aren't sure of gender, but it doesn't matter. What does matter is acknowledging their life and importance to our family. One day we'll see the soul of the little one who was here and will rejoice they were brought to us for even a short while.

This pregnancy was a long, hard journey. There were many periods of uncertainty...."Am I still pregnant?" "Is there a living twin?" "When will this happen and will it require a trip to the ER like past miscarriages?" While I do not understand why or how, I know God has used it to bring about His perfect will. My child's life, no matter how short, will serve a purpose. I can rejoice in that. I can also rejoice in the tremendous amount of love and support from our friends. I rejoice because God showed us who to carry with us into the future. I also know I will one day be able to rejoice in God revealing an enemy so we could take steps to keep them away from our children. Once again, I saw how very much my husband and children love me. Love to all!

Exodus 15:2 The LORD is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

Friends

During trials, you find out the value of the people you know. Their hearts are revealed as they lift you up and help you through.
The hearts of our friends are so beautiful and loving. God has blessed us with good people.

This basket is from Clint's co-workers. He works with an outstanding group of people.

We have been sent cards, letters, emails, phone calls, etc.
Thank you everyone for everything. Losing the baby was awful. Waiting on the miscarriage to happen was difficult.
Your kindness has made it easier. We hold people like you up to our children as examples to follow.

Middles Bring it Home!

Joshua, Bethany and Caleb took first, second and third place in our church's gingerbread contest!
Way to go Team Asbell!

Best Friends Make the Best Husbands

Hannah could not walk in the snow so Clint carried her the entire time.
For some reason, she was still wiped out and took a nap in one of her favorite spots!


During the miscarriage, Clint was beside me the entire time because he was concerned I'd have the very heavy bleeding I have had in the past. If I went to the restroom, he followed to keep watch over me. He did not leave my side once. Clint is an incredible man so full of love. He is the kind of man who picks up a smelly man wasted on alcohol to give him a ride to the store. He crawls in ditches filled with icy water to help someone get their car back on the road. I am thankful for his Christ-like example to our children. I am honored to call him my best friend and my husband.

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God can do this for anyone. Even mean people...

Ezekiel 36:26-27 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.

Miscarriage

The physical miscarriage started New Year's Day afternoon. Thank you to everyone who was praying with us about that.

We are very tired but OK. For the next few days, I am on bedrest. I will be on limited activity for a while after that. Love to all of our beautiful friends!

1 Thessalonians 4:13 But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.

Happy 2011

May the Lord bless you with a wonderful year filled with blessings and opportunities for growth.